Desperate
by leonsgirl47625
Summary: I'm a soldier - wounded so I must give up the fight. There's nothing more for me - lead me away... Or leave me lying here. A collection of CloudxZack songfics.
1. Orchard Of Mines

**Summary: **I've been wanting to do this for a while… A collection of CloudxZack songfics, so here it is. Some will go together, and some won't.

**Rating: **Teen. Mostly for later chapters, but like always it could go up.

**Contains: **Yaoi, language and violence. If you don't like don't read! :P

Don't be too harsh… I'm not rich enough for a PSP so no Crisis Core, sorry if the characters are a little OOC, because these take place during CC.

Well, enjoy and make sure to review!

"_Don't taint this ground with the color of the past  
Are the sounds in bloom with you?  
Cause you feel like an orchard of mines  
Just take one step at a time"_

"Keep your chin up, and legs locked, Spiky." Zack Fair suggested to the young cadet.

"Like that'll help." Cloud Strife muttered restlessly shifting his weight between his two black boot clad feet.

"Sure it will." Zack chimed happily, lifting his sword he harmlessly lunged at the small teenager who staggered backwards in surprise. "Come on Cloud! Always be prepared for an attack!"

Cloud glared at him and sparingly took his advice. He tilted his spiky, blonde head up a few degrease and locked his knees in place. He tightened his grip on his sword's hilt and dragged it upwards.

"There we go!" Zack beamed. "The rest'll come naturally if you keep that stance."

Cloud was paying attention now, and easily parried Zack's head cut. Zack laughed to cover his embarrassment and said something about how he was going easy on him. Zack pulled his sword up so the tip was behind his right shoulder and swiped it down to his right foot. His sword rammed into Cloud's with more force then he had meant and a metallic ring echoed throughout the training grounds as Cloud lost his footing and fell backwards onto the hard dirt ground.

"Sorry." He murmured, extending a hand to help him up.

"I can't do it." Cloud said angrily, slapping away Zack's hand.

"Don't talk like that," Zack ordered, frowning as he abandoned his sword to take a seat beside Cloud.

"It's true."

"No its not." He argued, wondering how in the hell did he become so unconfident. He chose his words very carefully before spoke again. "You've got great movements and potential, and once you learn to access them you'll be unstoppable."

"Whatever."

"Stand up."

He reluctantly did as he was told.

"Let's try this again," Zack offered kindly.

"Whatever," Cloud repeated.

They repeated the move several times until it became second nature and Cloud was able to parry without a thought. A beautiful grin tugged at the corners of Zack's mouth.

"There we go, Spiky!"

Cloud allowed himself a shy smile – beating Zack felt nice – but it quickly faded when he realized Zack was putting his sword back in its holster.

"Where are you going?"

"Time's up. I've got to go train other cadets."

"Oh." Cloud bit his bottom lip to mask his distaste.

Zack turned on his heels so he was facing the young blonde. He extended a hand and placed it on his shoulder.

"You want to be in SOLDIER don't you?"

"Of course," he stuttered.

"Well then you've got to be strong."

"How?" He hesitated and then quickly tacked on "sir."

Zack let out a small chuckle and ran a gloved hand through Cloud's chocobo hair. "You'll figure it out, I know you will."

"_And you seem to break like time  
So fragile on the inside, you climb these grapevines  
Would you look now unto the pit of me on the ground  
And you wander through these to climb these grapevines..."_

No response.

Cloud dropped his sword in desperation and once willingly crashed to the dirt beneath his feet.

"Cloud?"

He called the young cadet by many names, but rarely his first name – it has just slipped out. And yet it felt so natural he did it again, but an edge urgency tainted his velvet voice. He kneeled down so their faces were level.

"What's wrong?"

Tears fell openly from Cloud's sapphire eyes and streaked down his porcelain skin. Zack grabbed his shoulders and pulled him to his feet. He kept his hands there as Cloud's sobs began to subside, only to return with full blown force. He slammed his head into Zack's chest. Hesitantly, Zack brought his hands to the cadet's back.

"I'm… I'm not gonna make it into SOLDIER. I'm too scrawny and not strong enough. I'll never get in." He confessed to the thick, black collar of Zack's uniform.

For the second time that day, he ran his hand through Cloud's gravity defying hair. But this time it was different. His fingers involuntarily knotted into the golden locks at the base of his neck, gluing the boy to him.

"It's going to be all right." He reassured him.

"_I'll say it to be proud, won't have my life turn upside down  
Says the man with some, with some gold forged plan  
Of life so incomplete, like weights strapped around my feet  
Tread careful one step at a time"_

Cloud brought his hand to the strap of Zack's shoulder pad and held on for dear life.

"D-don't leave," Cloud stuttered.

"Don't worry, I'm here." Zack whispered.

"Stay." Was all he could muster.

"_And you seem to break like time  
So fragile on the inside, you climb these grapevines  
Would you look now unto the pit of me on the ground  
And you wander through these to climb these grapevines..."_

And he did. As sure as hell, he stayed with Cloud for as long as he needed him. And lord, did that boy need him.

"_To know, to feel, to play me once again  
Do you denote from what we feel  
Do you not know, I see you play the game  
Do you denote..."_

* * *

'Orchard of Mines' - Globus.  
You see that little button down there? Click it! :D  
(And if you have a song you would like to see in here, don't hesitate to tell me!)


	2. Wonderwall

**Hola! **I'm back pretty quickly with this one... I'd like to thank Taranova Xonson for the review... Shes amazing :P Go read and review her stuff!

And here is chapter two, which is the second part - it goes with chapter one.

"_Today is gonna be the day  
That they're gonna throw it back to you  
By now you should've somehow  
Realized what you gotta do  
I don't believe that anybody  
Feels the way I do about you now"_

Cloud sat alone in his dorm room, lounging on his bed. He absentmindedly flipped through a catalog of Shin-Ra motorcycles in a somewhat pathetic attempt to preoccupy his less then orthodox thoughts.

But he was doing pretty terrible job.

He found himself something short of surprised when the distraction itself paraded through the door.

"Off your ass, Spiky. We've got a mission."

Cloud sat up immediately. "What?"

"We get the _honor _of defending the _beautiful_ gates to Sector 5 on this _lovely_ night."

"Isn't it snowing?"

"And snow is a beautiful, beautiful thing."

Cloud raised an eyebrow at him but stood up nonetheless. He ignored the nagging feeling in his stomach at the realization of how odd it was for a cadet and a first to have a mission together. Zack must have pulled some strings.

"_Backbeat the word was on the street  
That the fire in your heart is out  
I'm sure you've heard it all before  
But you never really had a doubt  
I don't believe that anybody feels  
The way I do about you now"_

"So what's wrong, Spiky? Is it the weather? Because you know if you can't take the heat stay out of the kitchen."

Cloud pursued his partially frozen lips. "More like if you can't take the cold stay out of Midgar."

"Or SOLDIER," Zack mused quietly.

Cloud ignored him as a gust of wind whipped its way by the two boys. He thought the task was completely and totally useless. No one in their right mind would want to go to Sector 5, let alone on a night like _tonight. _And certainly anyone who owned an apartment, building or even a cardboard box would be confined to it. Not even the fiercest of criminals would dare to tread the six inches of snow that coated the already grimy streets. It wasn't a normal snowstorm either. Snow fell feverously, mixing with the dirt and leaving behind a whitish-grey slush.

When the shift had begun Cloud was somewhat optimistic about it – and the time he would get to spend alone with Zack. Three hours ago it had been just about freezing, and the small cadet had several extra layers on his back. But then it had started raining. The rain pelted down in endless, icy sheets soaking Cloud and Zack to the bone and rendering the extra layers meaningless. By the time the temperature dropped below freezing the two young SOLDIERS were already wetter then they had ever been in their life.

"What exactly are we protecting everyone from?" Cloud inquired suddenly.

"Evil snowmen?" Zack offered shrugging.

"Be serious, Zack."

"I am." His violet eyes glowed unwaveringly, only helping to prove his point further. "Are you cold?"

"I am." Cloud muttered, imitating the stern tone Zack had used to say the words seconds before.

"Are you making fun of me?" Zack asked with mock astonishment.

"The hell I am. Thanks for noticing."

And then their short conversation was over. It was simply too cold to speak anymore.

Growing in up Nibelheim, Cloud had seen plenty of snow. He was never really one to go outside during a blizzard and make snow angels, but he watched from the warm sanctuary of his home. It was a beautiful thing, the snow – the way it fluttered effortlessly and carefree, coating everything in view in a sparkling, crisp, white blanket. He had particularly kept his eye on a certain girl from his neighborhood; Tifa Lockhart. The tiny flakes dotted her long, dark hair and her wine-colored eyes twinkled as she laughed with her friends. Cloud had had a hard time looking away because lord, she looked beautiful.

Kind of like Zack did now.

Several flecks of white rested in Zack's raven hair. The porcelain skin of his face contained a rare blood-red blush, which made his eyes even more concentrated, and the violet seemed to penetrate into Cloud.

It was heartbreaking.

After all, Zack was his best friend. Not to mention another male, and Cloud wasn't exactly ready to face any of the emotions he had buried deep inside of himself.

"_And all the roads we have to walk along are winding  
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding  
There are many things that I would like to say to you  
But I don't know how_

_Because maybe you're gonna be the one who saves me  
And after all you're my Wonderwall"_

"Strife." Zack's velvet voice broke Cloud's train of thought. "What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing," he mumbled.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" Zack prompted, playfully knuckling him in the jaw.

"Promise you won't… Judge me?"

"Promise." He lifted his left forearm and Cloud mirrored him. Gently, they slammed them together.

"So this must be some secret," Zack teased.

"It is." Cloud found himself growing increasingly annoyed with Zack's lack of severity. He waited.

"Oh come on! I'm trustworthy," he whined.

Cloud took a moment to gather his thoughts before continuing. "I've screwed myself over. Completely and totally _screwed. _I think I like this…" His voice trailed off.

"Person?" Zack offered.

"Yeah. _Person. _And I have a hard time controlling myself around them. I'm trying not to slip up and ruin everything but I'm not even sure if I like this person. I _can't. _I just _can't_…"

Zack hesitated. Cloud had said he was trying not to slip up, which meant that this person was here, a SOLDIER – or training to be one. He felt his heart pump a bit more vigorously. "I think you've got it bad, Spiky."

"I-I think you're right," Cloud stuttered.

A devious smile graced Zack's thin lips, and the corners of his mouth curled upwards. He pulled the younger boy against his chest and ran his hand through the golden mountains of hair, ruffling them. "Looks like the farm boy is a little tongue-tied."

"Why wouldn't I be? Being so close to you!" Cloud blurted out.

Zack's hand stopped abruptly and Cloud's sapphire eyes widened.

"I'm sorry." He murmured, attempting to break free of Zack's iron grip.

Zack was quiet, peering at Cloud through his long, dark eyelashes. The silence was unbearable, tearing Cloud's heart apart with every second that ticked on. His hope began to fade. Stupid. He was stupid. Some things were better left unsaid. Cloud began to feel very awkward in his own suddenly hot skin.

"_Today was gonna be the day  
But they'll never throw it back to you  
By now you should've somehow  
Realized what you're not to do  
I don't believe that anybody  
Feels the way I do  
About you now"_

"Don't be. I understand." He flashed Cloud a bittersweet smile and the cadet breathed again.

He knew everything was going to be okay.

Time seemed to stop then and reality faltered. A placid silence settled over the two boys. The only thing that remained constant, that remained _real _was the now hesitant snowfall.

"Cloud."

Zack's voice seemed oddly subdued, like it was somehow not coming from him, like it was someone else's voice. He looked to him.

"I love you."

The only explanation for Zack's words were that Cloud's ears were deceiving him, but somehow he was confident in their meaning.

"I love you too." He confessed, and suddenly everything was moving at ten times its normal speed. He snapped out of his dream like trance.

"What are we going to do?" Pressed Cloud.

"What _can _we do?"

"We should stay away from each other," he whispered.

Zack glared at Cloud. "That is a _stupid _idea…" He softened his gaze and took a step closer to the cadet. "We won't be able to stay away from each other."

Cloud's skin began to tingle and his heart raced. His breathing became heavy.

Zack was close now. Far too close. Cloud could see the mako burning in his eyes and make out each of his eyelashes. In a flurry the violet disappeared and Cloud felt lips upon his own. His shoulders rose defensively, but relaxed when his Zack put his hands on them. Zack ran his tongue along Cloud's bottom lip, asking for entrance – which he was mercifully granted. Their tongues swirled together and Zack, not breaking the kiss, thrust Cloud into a nearby wall. He dropped his hands to his back and began to grind his hips into the cadet's awakening erection. Cloud moaned from deep inside his throat and Zack's lips began to twitch upwards. He waited for as long as he could, savoring the kiss before pulling away. He tried to hide his cocky grin at Cloud's reaction, but was unsuccessful.

"What? Did I do something wrong?" Cloud's bottom lip twitched uncertainly.

"No, Spike. You didn't do a single thing."

They leaned apart a little and Zack smiled reassuringly. Suddenly the cold was a bit more bearable.

"_And all the roads that lead to you were winding  
And all the lights that light the way are blinding  
There are many things that I would like to say to you__I don't know how  
I said maybe you're gonna be the one who saves me  
And after all you're my Wonderwall"_

* * *

'Wonderwall' - Oasis.  
...And theres a reason why its T. Should I bump it up to M?  
But review! Or I shall eat your face. D:


	3. Sidewalks

**…And hello there everyone! I apologize for the updating delay, but the school year is almost over and that means lots of productions, finals and projects, but on Friday I'm done with Middle School (thank god) so I'll try and update more often.**

** To Taranova and PoutingCutie, I totally agree with you guys and feel the same way. xD. **

** To The Burning Ripper, twins? I already love you guys ; **

** To Hybrid Maximum, I'll find the song soon and let you know!**

** To Xanti, this chapter is for you. **

"_The bridge is all crumbled.  
The water soaks into rocks  
That fell at the bottom of the road (At the end of the town.)  
The town that we lived in.  
The memories shaken apart from the weeds that grow"_

Cloud bit his lip. It was simple. Very, very simple. His classes were over and Zack got off of patrol in less then half hour. It would take him less then half an hour to walk to the gates and meet Zack, who would be more then ecstatic to see him. And Cloud wanted to see him, too. But he had a feeling that something would go wrong if he went to seek out his mentor. But the anxiety was overcome by some other emotion Cloud couldn't quite get a grasp on, so he grabbed his gun and headed for the Sector 8 gates.

Just as he thought, Zack was glad to see him, and once his partner had left the two wondered around the sector. The weather was beginning to show signs that spring was just around the corner, and the snowfall had eased up, but an occasional wind still ripped through the deserted streets. A tattered LOVELESS poster cart wheeled by and with a surge of memories Zack couldn't help but think of Genesis. And then Angeal. He felt an uncomfortably warm prodding at the back of his eyes and blinked away the unformed tears. He glanced at the Cloud. The cadet was frowning slightly as he tugged awkwardly at the fingertips of his leather gloves. There was something about Cloud's simplicity that helped to calm him.

Feeling eyes on him Cloud looked up. "Something wrong?"

Zack blinked. "Oh, no. Nothing I was just thinking about something."

"What?"

Zack raised his hand and pointed to the scar on his jaw. "How I got this."

Cloud knew better then to ask so he merely nodded solemnly and changed the subject. "Do you like the snow?"

"I'm not sure if _like _is the right word, but I don't mind it. We get quite a bit in Gongaga."

"I'm not too fond of it either," short chuckle from Zack. "But back home, near the primary school there was this little playground. No one my age hung around it – they said it was for little kids – but I liked to go there sometimes, mostly after it snowed and everyone else had gone home. It was quiet, peaceful almost." Cloud stopped in his tracks and pulled his eyebrows together at his nostalgic tirade. Zack turned back to Cloud and laughed again.

"I know what you mean… I'm pretty sure there's a playground in Sector 5."

"Sector 5?"

"Yeah. It's rusty as hell but it's still a playground."

"Is it… _safe?_"

"Probably not. But I can protect you."

Cloud flushed and picked up his pace so he was back by Zack's side.

"_Over the sidewalks,  
Running away from the streets we knew,  
Sidewalks,  
Like the time we thought was made for you.  
Oh..."_

The playground was hardly that. A collection of old, rusted pipes, carelessly thrown together to form something that vaguely resembled a swing set, monkey bars and slide – which Cloud was aimlessly wary of. Zack sat on one of the two swings and Cloud followed his lead. With a squeak they were gradually flying back and forth.

"So what made you want to be in SOLDIER?" Zack asked suddenly.

"Oh. I wanted to kind of prove to everyone back home that I could make it. Haven't talked to any of them since I left, so that way they won't know when I fail."

"Don't talk like that!" Encouraged Zack. "You've got to keep a positive attitude."

"Have you ever been made fun of, Zack?"

"Of course. Who hasn't?"

"Name one time."

Zack took a minute to think. "When I was still a third I was showering and Fletcher and Surge stole my clothes." He let out a small chuckle at the memory.

"But that was a prank. Fletcher and Surge are your friends, right? They weren't trying to humiliate you."

"Yeah they were."

"Not in the sense I'm talking about. They were doing it harmlessly. People… Weren't kind to me. I just want to prove to them that I wasn't as useless as they made me feel."

"You really trust me, don't you Cloud?"

Heat rushed to Cloud's cheeks and he nodded. "Yeah, I do."

"I'm glad."

Cloud turned his head towards Zack, who was starring forward; out into the rotting wood houses and smoke filled horizon.

"_Out on the front porch,  
watching the cars as they go by,  
Eighteen blue, twenty one grey,  
Looking ahead for the first time that we could drive,  
Out on our own,  
To speed away"_

Cloud felt an odd sort of feeling in his stomach. Something short of indecision, like a combination of pity and longing. Not to mention an odd edge of the feeling he was doing something he shouldn't be.

Frankly, it scared him but he didn't really mind.

"Zack, what are we doing? You and me."

Zack hesitated before answering. "What feels right."

"_Mum, look, a SOLDIER!" _

Both men looked up at the small girl running towards them, pulling her mother along.

"Alisa, don't bother them," she scorned. "I'm sorry about her."

"No worries ma'am, we were just on our way." Zack reassured, standing up.

"We were?"

Zack glanced at Cloud and nodded before turning his attention to the waiting child. He squatted down until they were at eye level and he smiled. "Hello Alisa, it's very nice to meet you. I'm Zack."

She grinned widely and he laughed, ruffled her hair and stood up. Him and Cloud began to walk away when she yelled out "bye Zack!"

Once they were out of ear shot Cloud looked at him. "You're good with kids." He noted.

"Thanks. I've got a bit of a weak spot for them." He face turned suddenly solemn. "But what we were talking about before she interrupted, does this not feel right to you?" He pressed.

Cloud's heart stopped beating for a split second.

"_From the sidewalks,_

_Running away from the streets we knew,  
Sidewalks,  
Like the time we thought was made for you.  
Oh  
All of days that past us by,  
All of the sun is gone...  
Away"_

"No. It's just different. I can't help but wonder what everyone back home would say if they saw us."

"They'd say you have a hot boyfriend."

Cloud chuckled lightly.

"No really, I think everyone's a little bit gay for me."

Zack's violet eyes found Cloud's sapphire and he gripped the boy's shoulders tightly, pulling him against his chest. He kissed the top of his head and smiled to the spikes.

"Don't give a damn about what other people think about you."

Cloud gave no response, he simply pulled away from Zack only to lean in again and kiss him.

"I'll try," he murmured.

"_Sidewalks,  
Running away from the streets we knew,  
Sidewalks,  
Like the time we thought was made for you.  
(Sidewalks)  
The bridges are crumpled,  
(Sidewalks)  
The water soaks into rocks,  
That fell at the bottom of the road."_


End file.
